CBT Tips for Beating Perfectionism: Managing Holiday Stress and Setting Intentions for 2025
The combination of extra demands and the typical stress around the holidays can lead many to fall into the trap of rigid thinking and believing that life should be flawless. If you’re already prone to anxiety, the season’s pressures can intensify these feelings. Perfectionism is something that cognitive-behavioral therapists encounter frequently, especially during this time of year. Here are some effective CBT-based tips to help you manage your stress and perfectionism during the rest of 2023 and into the New Year.
1. Do Not Strive for Flawless
Perfectionism often manifests as self-imposed expectations followed by harsh judgments about yourself, others, or situations. When you’re constantly with yourself, you notice every small mistake and build a list of perceived failures. Focusing on these mistakes can lead to self-criticism and a tendency to see only the negative aspects of yourself. This thought pattern can lead to feelings of depression, low self-esteem, and frustration—none of which are helpful to you or the people who care about you.
When perfectionist thoughts start to take over, it’s important to counter them with a CBT technique called a “positive data log.” This involves intentionally writing down “good enough” events or situations where things turned out fine despite being imperfect. By recognizing these moments, you can train yourself to view things more flexibly and objectively. Over time, this can help you develop a more balanced perspective on life’s imperfections.
2. Stop Comparing
In today’s world of social media, unrealistic advertising, and other perfection-driven messages, it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing your life to an idealized version of others’ lives. For perfectionists, it’s even harder to step back and assess reality. When we compare ourselves, we often measure our lives against someone we perceive as “better” in some way.
However, constant comparison can have real consequences. Research shows prolonged social media use can lead to poor sleep, lowered self-esteem, and overall dissatisfaction. A recent study found that just 30 minutes of scrolling on TikTok, for instance, can disrupt your sleep and negatively impact your mental health.
If you find that certain people—whether co-workers, exes, or family members—are fueling your feelings of inadequacy, consider muting or unfollowing them during the holiday season. Remind yourself that social media rarely reflects reality accurately, and it’s okay to take a break from it, especially over the holidays.
3. Temper Family Expectations
The holidays can stir up a lot of emotional stress, and when combined with perfectionistic tendencies, they can lead to even more tension. There’s enough pressure around this time of year without the added weight of unrealistic expectations. It’s essential to recognize that while you can’t control your family’s actions or behaviors, you have control over how you react.
Trying to change others can be frustrating, like repeatedly entering the wrong PIN at the store checkout. As the stress builds, so does your frustration. Instead of insisting on changing others or holding onto unproductive expectations, focus on modifying your actions. Remember, you can’t control everything, but you can control your responses.
4. Beat Perfectionism by Shifting Perspectives—A CBT Experiment
On days when everything feels off-track, take a moment to pause and consider how much worse things could be. This simple shift in perspective can help break the cycle of negative thinking. Here are three more tricks to engage your positive lens:
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Incorporate a Daily Gratitude Practice: According to CBT research, practicing gratitude can significantly improve mental health, sleep, and self-esteem. Each morning or evening, jot down 5 things you’re grateful for. Apps like the 5 Minute Journal make this easy and quick to integrate into your routine.
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Acknowledge Your Power: CBT emphasizes our power to choose which thoughts to focus on. By intentionally directing your attention to positive thoughts and reframing challenges, you can gain greater control over your mental and emotional experience. This is key in fostering a more compassionate and empowered outlook on life.
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Take a Breather: Meditation isn’t just for yoga retreats—it’s a powerful tool for managing perfectionism and anxiety. It doesn’t require an hour of quiet time or complex techniques. Check out this recent blog post, Can’t Meditate? Think Again: 10 of the Best CBT Hacks to Trick Your Brain into Bliss, for practical ways to incorporate mindfulness into your day.
Looking Ahead: 2025 and Beyond
As we wrap up 2023 and step into the New Year, it’s a great time to reflect on your mental health goals and set intentions for a more balanced, realistic approach to life. Remember, the holiday season doesn’t have to be perfect. Embrace the chaos, laugh at the mistakes, and prioritize moments of joy over flawless moments. Perfectionism can’t thrive in an environment where you celebrate progress, not perfection.
In Part 3, I’ll dive into CBT approaches for coping with loneliness over the holidays—another key issue many face at this time of year. As always, I’d love to hear how these tips work for you and if you’ve found other strategies to manage perfectionism.
Enjoy the rest of your month, and try experimenting with these new tools as you prepare for a positive and fulfilling start to 2024!
Want to know more about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)? Click here for an FAQ: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy/CBT in San Diego.
Part I: How to Keep the ‘Happy’ in Your Holidays
Part 2: 4 CBT Based Tips for Overcoming Perfectionism
Part 3: 10 Ways to Ward off Loneliness