by therapyinsdcom | Dec 19, 2024 | Uncategorized
Throughout his tenure, the U.S. Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy, highlighted loneliness as not just a crisis in America but an epidemic. Feeling alone isn’t just an unpleasant emotion to endure—it also impacts our physical health. Research shows that loneliness can lead to inflammation, heart disease, and other health issues. Unsurprisingly, holiday loneliness is quite common.
Feeling isolated occasionally is natural, and 1 in 3 Americans feel lonely at least once a week. Fortunately, understanding why it happens and addressing it promptly can prevent it from deepening. This article explores the roots of loneliness, its manifestations, and actionable strategies to combat it.
The Many Faces of Loneliness
To fend off holiday loneliness, it’s crucial to understand its different forms. According to Psychology Today, there are seven distinct types of loneliness:
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New-Situation Loneliness – You’re in unfamiliar territory. You may feel disconnected if you’ve started a new job, moved to a different city, or joined a new school.
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I Am Different Loneliness – You feel out of place among those around you. Perhaps you’re passionate about a cause that no one else shares, or you’re the only newcomer in a close-knit group.
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No Romantic Partner Loneliness – Not having a significant other during the holidays can amplify feelings of solitude.
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No Pets Loneliness – Longing for the companionship of a pet but being unable to have one can create a unique sense of absence.
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No Available Friends Loneliness – Life changes—whether yours or your friends—can lead to a sense of isolation when loved ones aren’t around. Travel can increase a sense of holiday loneliness.
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Bad Friends Loneliness – Even in a crowd, distrust or lack of meaningful connections can leave you feeling unfulfilled.
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No Warm Body Loneliness – Living alone, even if you’re otherwise satisfied with your social life, can feel particularly tough during the holidays.
10 Ways to Keep Holiday Loneliness at Bay
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Find Like-Minded People – Join a group or community activity like a book club, workout class, or Meetup.com gathering to build connections.
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Prioritize Health – Ensure you get enough sleep, eat well, and stay active. These habits improve your mood and overall well-being.
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Strengthen Current Bonds – Deep, intimate connections are key to happiness. Invest time in nurturing existing relationships, whether near or far.
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Learn from Loneliness – Reflect on what your loneliness teaches you and use this insight to foster stronger relationships in the future.
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Practice Mindfulness – Pay attention to your thoughts when you feel lonely. Recognize self-defeating ideas as fleeting and avoid attaching undue importance to them.
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Cultivate Self-Compassion – Show yourself kindness through self-care, meditation, or self-love. Practice self-soothing techniques to comfort yourself.
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Enjoy Your Own Company – Embrace activities alone without self-consciousness. Learning to appreciate solo time can lead to greater personal fulfillment.
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Consider a Pet – Adopting a pet can enhance your happiness and boost feel-good hormones if it’s feasible. Alternatively, visit a dog park or petting zoo.
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Plan Ahead – Anticipate potential loneliness and prepare a list of activities or goals to tackle when it strikes.
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Give Back – Volunteering your time or skills can create a sense of connection and purpose.
Conclusion
During the holiday season, loneliness can feel overwhelming, but it’s essential to remember that you’re not truly alone. If you’re feeling down, be gentle with yourself, and try some of the tips above. By taking proactive steps, you can transform moments of loneliness into opportunities for growth and connection.
by therapyinsdcom | Dec 16, 2024 | Anxiety, Anxiety and Stress, CBT Tools, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
CBT Tips for Beating Perfectionism: Managing Holiday Stress and Setting Intentions for 2025
The combination of extra demands and the typical stress around the holidays can lead many to fall into the trap of rigid thinking and believing that life should be flawless. If you’re already prone to anxiety, the season’s pressures can intensify these feelings. Perfectionism is something that cognitive-behavioral therapists encounter frequently, especially during this time of year. Here are some effective CBT-based tips to help you manage your stress and perfectionism during the rest of 2023 and into the New Year.
1. Do Not Strive for Flawless
Perfectionism often manifests as self-imposed expectations followed by harsh judgments about yourself, others, or situations. When you’re constantly with yourself, you notice every small mistake and build a list of perceived failures. Focusing on these mistakes can lead to self-criticism and a tendency to see only the negative aspects of yourself. This thought pattern can lead to feelings of depression, low self-esteem, and frustration—none of which are helpful to you or the people who care about you.
When perfectionist thoughts start to take over, it’s important to counter them with a CBT technique called a “positive data log.” This involves intentionally writing down “good enough” events or situations where things turned out fine despite being imperfect. By recognizing these moments, you can train yourself to view things more flexibly and objectively. Over time, this can help you develop a more balanced perspective on life’s imperfections.
2. Stop Comparing
In today’s world of social media, unrealistic advertising, and other perfection-driven messages, it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing your life to an idealized version of others’ lives. For perfectionists, it’s even harder to step back and assess reality. When we compare ourselves, we often measure our lives against someone we perceive as “better” in some way.
However, constant comparison can have real consequences. Research shows prolonged social media use can lead to poor sleep, lowered self-esteem, and overall dissatisfaction. A recent study found that just 30 minutes of scrolling on TikTok, for instance, can disrupt your sleep and negatively impact your mental health.
If you find that certain people—whether co-workers, exes, or family members—are fueling your feelings of inadequacy, consider muting or unfollowing them during the holiday season. Remind yourself that social media rarely reflects reality accurately, and it’s okay to take a break from it, especially over the holidays.
3. Temper Family Expectations
The holidays can stir up a lot of emotional stress, and when combined with perfectionistic tendencies, they can lead to even more tension. There’s enough pressure around this time of year without the added weight of unrealistic expectations. It’s essential to recognize that while you can’t control your family’s actions or behaviors, you have control over how you react.
Trying to change others can be frustrating, like repeatedly entering the wrong PIN at the store checkout. As the stress builds, so does your frustration. Instead of insisting on changing others or holding onto unproductive expectations, focus on modifying your actions. Remember, you can’t control everything, but you can control your responses.
4. Beat Perfectionism by Shifting Perspectives—A CBT Experiment
On days when everything feels off-track, take a moment to pause and consider how much worse things could be. This simple shift in perspective can help break the cycle of negative thinking. Here are three more tricks to engage your positive lens:
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Incorporate a Daily Gratitude Practice: According to CBT research, practicing gratitude can significantly improve mental health, sleep, and self-esteem. Each morning or evening, jot down 5 things you’re grateful for. Apps like the 5 Minute Journal make this easy and quick to integrate into your routine.
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Acknowledge Your Power: CBT emphasizes our power to choose which thoughts to focus on. By intentionally directing your attention to positive thoughts and reframing challenges, you can gain greater control over your mental and emotional experience. This is key in fostering a more compassionate and empowered outlook on life.
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Take a Breather: Meditation isn’t just for yoga retreats—it’s a powerful tool for managing perfectionism and anxiety. It doesn’t require an hour of quiet time or complex techniques. Check out this recent blog post, Can’t Meditate? Think Again: 10 of the Best CBT Hacks to Trick Your Brain into Bliss, for practical ways to incorporate mindfulness into your day.
Looking Ahead: 2025 and Beyond
As we wrap up 2023 and step into the New Year, it’s a great time to reflect on your mental health goals and set intentions for a more balanced, realistic approach to life. Remember, the holiday season doesn’t have to be perfect. Embrace the chaos, laugh at the mistakes, and prioritize moments of joy over flawless moments. Perfectionism can’t thrive in an environment where you celebrate progress, not perfection.
In Part 3, I’ll dive into CBT approaches for coping with loneliness over the holidays—another key issue many face at this time of year. As always, I’d love to hear how these tips work for you and if you’ve found other strategies to manage perfectionism.
Enjoy the rest of your month, and try experimenting with these new tools as you prepare for a positive and fulfilling start to 2024!
Want to know more about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)? Click here for an FAQ: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy/CBT in San Diego.
Part I: How to Keep the ‘Happy’ in Your Holidays
Part 2: 4 CBT Based Tips for Overcoming Perfectionism
Part 3: 10 Ways to Ward off Loneliness
Part 4: 7 Secrets to Making Your New Years Resolution Stick
by therapyinsdcom | Nov 13, 2024 | Anxiety and Stress, Anxious Feelings, CBT Tools, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Depression
Holiday Stress can be challenging. Look around any store, and you’ll find early reminders of what’s ahead of us- spending quality time with people we love, great food, fabulous parties, and more. Of course, we all hope our holiday season will be made of these, but that’s not always the case. Even in the best of situations, people struggle with excessive commitments, social anxiety, fallouts with loved ones, unrealistic expectations, and financial pressures. If any of those sound familiar, you may be wondering how to get on top of your mental health this year. In this 4-part series, you will find a way to manage the top holiday mental health concerns and start your 2025 fresh instead of frazzled.
Start Now, Not Later to Manage Holiday Stress
November can feel too soon to consider digging into holiday preparation, but if you want to enjoy some bliss this December, start the ball rolling now. Planning helps you take back control, and the time to plan your upcoming season is here! Managing the extra demands on your time early in the game is much easier. Why? You are more objective when you are not in a time crunch.
Tip #1: Give Yourself Time
One of the most effective ways to kick the holiday stress is to use planning to your advantage. A helpful rule during this time of the year is to assume everything will take 2 times as long as you think. When you plan upcoming errands, it can be hard to remember how time-consuming many of the demands are. This can lead to overbooking and excessive commitments, which leads to unnecessary anxiety.
Tip #2: Don’t Forget Yourself
It is easy to get so caught up in the swirl of holiday activities you forget to spend time with yourself. Reserving some personal time will help you keep what is important in perspective and help you manage stress during the holidays. We are vulnerable to poor moods when we neglect to care for ourselves. Need ideas? Check out some clever ways to enjoy the moment in front of you.
Tip #3: Prioritize
This holiday season, ask yourself honestly: what and who is truly important? What can go to the side if I begin to feel overwhelmed or rushed? Although it can be hard, learn to say no to things you do not want or need to do. If you need help figuring out how to prioritize, look to your values. Values, not external expectations, will guide you during this time. Need to know what your core values are? Don’t know what your core values are? Here is a great exercise to figure out what is truly important to you so you can put your priorities in order.
Tip #4: Practice Mindful Gifting
We all know this state of awareness is the best way to go about our day. You may not have known is you can also practice mindful gifting. When we have time to be leisurely about purchasing gifts, we tend to think more deeply about the person we are gifting for. If you take this time now, your gifts will mean much more to the recipient and yourself. Set aside time for reflection, list each receiver, and write down what they genuinely like and enjoy. Watch for clues if you still need to learn more about the recipient.
Holiday Stress, Anxiety and Depression
Holiday stress and depression can extend into your new year if not dealt with sooner than later. The tips and tricks above help answer the question of establishing holiday stress management tools through planning. However, there may be times when you need more help to deal with your anxiety. Finding the best cognitive behavioral therapist for you can be another tool when dealing with the holiday blues.
by therapyinsdcom | Dec 29, 2023 | Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
We all want to accomplish our New Year’s resolutions, but often we miss the mark. It’s exciting to embark on a adventure, but when the shine wears off we often drop the ball. Why don’t you make 2024 different?
The following are 7 tips to help you stick with your resolutions and succeed!
Tip #1: Stick to One Goal
As a cognitive behavioral therapist I almost always assign my clients homework. At the beginning of our work together we design the exercises to be very small. Once someone gains traction moving forward is much less effort and almost organic, so keep this in mind.
When deciding on a New Years’ resolution, stick to the one thing and keep it achievable.
- Use the feeling of overwhelm as a helpful guide.
- When you feel overwhelmed, you get discouraged.
- When you get discouraged, you are more likely to quit at the first sign of difficulty.
Try to find a goal that is small, and cut it by half. You will most likely build momentum as you move forward.
Tip #2: Keep Resolutions Measurable
The best way to keep your resolution measurable is to start small. Begin by taking baby 
steps once a day. If your resolution is to hydrate, drink one more glass of water a day. If you want to stop drinking soda, start by drinking one less a day. Over time, these little changes add up to help you reach your goal. In addition, try to be mindful of your goal throughout the day. When you remember, take a micro-step toward achievement.
Tip #3: Anticipate Barriers
Before you even try to enact your resolution, make a list of the barriers you anticipate in the process. Ask yourself what self-defeating roadblocks you have encountered in past efforts. Then, ask yourself what you see as impeding your future efforts.
- These could sound like thoughts such as, “I don’t feel like it” or “I don’t have time”.
- You may also notice yourself engaging in sabotaging self-talk such as, “I deserve a break” or “I’m not motivated”.
- Now, write down your personal barriers.
Afterward, record what you are going to do the next time this barrier rears its head. In your quest for a change, you are bound to hit upon this resistance. At its root, resistance is a reaction founded in fear. Taking little steps are the best way to get to where you are going.
Here are some ways to cope with the fear of change
Tip #4: Make an Advantages Card for Maintaining Your Resolution
Why do you want this? What is the benefit? There are going to be some hard times throughout your journey of change, times when you need to remind yourself of the why. Therefore, an important step in keeping your New Years’ resolution is making an advantages card.
An advantages card can be made of anything you want. Some people like to use a notecard, while others write on mirrors or dry erase boards. The content is simple. Just make a list of all the reasons why you want to accomplish your goal. Maybe you want to lose weight to become healthier, or maybe you have a specific clothing size you want to hit.
Read your list twice a day, really reflecting on why you want to accomplish your goals. In times of extremely self-defeating thoughts, it is recommended by cognitive behavioral therapists that you read your advantages card as needed.
Tip #5: Accept You Will Have Bumps
It is important not only to realize but also to accept you will slip up along the way. There are instances when you will be barraged with berating thoughts and crumble under the pressure. However, do not use a mess up to engage in all or nothing thinking! When you encounter a bump in the road, do not give up! For example: when you smoke that cigarette and you break the resolution once, do not throw in the towel and buy a whole pack. We will all lapse, but we don’t have to relapse. In order to make a habit your small behaviors will take a minimum of 3 weeks. Those small behaviors will lead to reaching your resolution goal by the end of the year. Be patient and practice self-compassion, especially when you inevitably mess up!
Tip #6: Ask Someone to Hold You Accountable
This tip sounds as though it would be easy. However, it can be the most difficult, especially if you are allergic to criticism. That is why it is important to find someone you trust and respect to hold you accountable to reaching your resolution. Although you may want to fight them, you will be more likely to listen when you know they are giving advice with good intentions. A good CBT therapist holds their clients accountable by assigning homework and expecting follow-through, so don’t be afraid to seek out professional guidance if you are having difficulty finding external support.
Tip #7: Make a Plan
When you make your plan, focus on the small steps and not the goal. Instead of writing down “I will lose 20 lbs this year”, break that larger resolution down into more manageable steps. This could look like, ‘I will drink more water’ and ‘do 10 jumping jacks a day’.
After you accomplish small successes, find a way to celebrate! Don’t skip this step, because it is extremely important. When you reward yourself, your brain will remember the dopamine rush and be more willing to do your bidding. Keep in mind the reward does not have to be big- many of my clients will say out loud ‘gold star!’ when they do something good. That’s the cognitive behavioral way of imprinting the good stuff into our brains in a fun and positive way.
Check out this blog from TED to give you some motivation!
Part I: How to Keep the ‘Happy’ in Your Holidays
Part 2: 4 CBT Based Tips for Overcoming Perfectionism
Part 3: 10 Ways to Ward off Loneliness this Season
by therapyinsdcom | Oct 30, 2023 | Uncategorized