by therapyinsdcom | Dec 16, 2024 | Anxiety, Anxiety and Stress, CBT Tools, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
CBT Tips for Beating Perfectionism: Managing Holiday Stress and Setting Intentions for 2025
The combination of extra demands and the typical stress around the holidays can lead many to fall into the trap of rigid thinking and believing that life should be flawless. If you’re already prone to anxiety, the season’s pressures can intensify these feelings. Perfectionism is something that cognitive-behavioral therapists encounter frequently, especially during this time of year. Here are some effective CBT-based tips to help you manage your stress and perfectionism during the rest of 2023 and into the New Year.
1. Do Not Strive for Flawless
Perfectionism often manifests as self-imposed expectations followed by harsh judgments about yourself, others, or situations. When you’re constantly with yourself, you notice every small mistake and build a list of perceived failures. Focusing on these mistakes can lead to self-criticism and a tendency to see only the negative aspects of yourself. This thought pattern can lead to feelings of depression, low self-esteem, and frustration—none of which are helpful to you or the people who care about you.
When perfectionist thoughts start to take over, it’s important to counter them with a CBT technique called a “positive data log.” This involves intentionally writing down “good enough” events or situations where things turned out fine despite being imperfect. By recognizing these moments, you can train yourself to view things more flexibly and objectively. Over time, this can help you develop a more balanced perspective on life’s imperfections.
2. Stop Comparing
In today’s world of social media, unrealistic advertising, and other perfection-driven messages, it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing your life to an idealized version of others’ lives. For perfectionists, it’s even harder to step back and assess reality. When we compare ourselves, we often measure our lives against someone we perceive as “better” in some way.
However, constant comparison can have real consequences. Research shows prolonged social media use can lead to poor sleep, lowered self-esteem, and overall dissatisfaction. A recent study found that just 30 minutes of scrolling on TikTok, for instance, can disrupt your sleep and negatively impact your mental health.
If you find that certain people—whether co-workers, exes, or family members—are fueling your feelings of inadequacy, consider muting or unfollowing them during the holiday season. Remind yourself that social media rarely reflects reality accurately, and it’s okay to take a break from it, especially over the holidays.
3. Temper Family Expectations
The holidays can stir up a lot of emotional stress, and when combined with perfectionistic tendencies, they can lead to even more tension. There’s enough pressure around this time of year without the added weight of unrealistic expectations. It’s essential to recognize that while you can’t control your family’s actions or behaviors, you have control over how you react.
Trying to change others can be frustrating, like repeatedly entering the wrong PIN at the store checkout. As the stress builds, so does your frustration. Instead of insisting on changing others or holding onto unproductive expectations, focus on modifying your actions. Remember, you can’t control everything, but you can control your responses.
4. Beat Perfectionism by Shifting Perspectives—A CBT Experiment
On days when everything feels off-track, take a moment to pause and consider how much worse things could be. This simple shift in perspective can help break the cycle of negative thinking. Here are three more tricks to engage your positive lens:
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Incorporate a Daily Gratitude Practice: According to CBT research, practicing gratitude can significantly improve mental health, sleep, and self-esteem. Each morning or evening, jot down 5 things you’re grateful for. Apps like the 5 Minute Journal make this easy and quick to integrate into your routine.
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Acknowledge Your Power: CBT emphasizes our power to choose which thoughts to focus on. By intentionally directing your attention to positive thoughts and reframing challenges, you can gain greater control over your mental and emotional experience. This is key in fostering a more compassionate and empowered outlook on life.
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Take a Breather: Meditation isn’t just for yoga retreats—it’s a powerful tool for managing perfectionism and anxiety. It doesn’t require an hour of quiet time or complex techniques. Check out this recent blog post, Can’t Meditate? Think Again: 10 of the Best CBT Hacks to Trick Your Brain into Bliss, for practical ways to incorporate mindfulness into your day.
Looking Ahead: 2025 and Beyond
As we wrap up 2023 and step into the New Year, it’s a great time to reflect on your mental health goals and set intentions for a more balanced, realistic approach to life. Remember, the holiday season doesn’t have to be perfect. Embrace the chaos, laugh at the mistakes, and prioritize moments of joy over flawless moments. Perfectionism can’t thrive in an environment where you celebrate progress, not perfection.
In Part 3, I’ll dive into CBT approaches for coping with loneliness over the holidays—another key issue many face at this time of year. As always, I’d love to hear how these tips work for you and if you’ve found other strategies to manage perfectionism.
Enjoy the rest of your month, and try experimenting with these new tools as you prepare for a positive and fulfilling start to 2024!
Want to know more about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)? Click here for an FAQ: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy/CBT in San Diego.
Part I: How to Keep the ‘Happy’ in Your Holidays
Part 2: 4 CBT Based Tips for Overcoming Perfectionism
Part 3: 10 Ways to Ward off Loneliness
Part 4: 7 Secrets to Making Your New Years Resolution Stick
by therapyinsdcom | Nov 13, 2024 | Anxiety and Stress, Anxious Feelings, CBT Tools, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Depression
Holiday Stress can be challenging. Look around any store, and you’ll find early reminders of what’s ahead of us- spending quality time with people we love, great food, fabulous parties, and more. Of course, we all hope our holiday season will be made of these, but that’s not always the case. Even in the best of situations, people struggle with excessive commitments, social anxiety, fallouts with loved ones, unrealistic expectations, and financial pressures. If any of those sound familiar, you may be wondering how to get on top of your mental health this year. In this 4-part series, you will find a way to manage the top holiday mental health concerns and start your 2025 fresh instead of frazzled.
Start Now, Not Later to Manage Holiday Stress
November can feel too soon to consider digging into holiday preparation, but if you want to enjoy some bliss this December, start the ball rolling now. Planning helps you take back control, and the time to plan your upcoming season is here! Managing the extra demands on your time early in the game is much easier. Why? You are more objective when you are not in a time crunch.
Tip #1: Give Yourself Time
One of the most effective ways to kick the holiday stress is to use planning to your advantage. A helpful rule during this time of the year is to assume everything will take 2 times as long as you think. When you plan upcoming errands, it can be hard to remember how time-consuming many of the demands are. This can lead to overbooking and excessive commitments, which leads to unnecessary anxiety.
Tip #2: Don’t Forget Yourself
It is easy to get so caught up in the swirl of holiday activities you forget to spend time with yourself. Reserving some personal time will help you keep what is important in perspective and help you manage stress during the holidays. We are vulnerable to poor moods when we neglect to care for ourselves. Need ideas? Check out some clever ways to enjoy the moment in front of you.
Tip #3: Prioritize
This holiday season, ask yourself honestly: what and who is truly important? What can go to the side if I begin to feel overwhelmed or rushed? Although it can be hard, learn to say no to things you do not want or need to do. If you need help figuring out how to prioritize, look to your values. Values, not external expectations, will guide you during this time. Need to know what your core values are? Don’t know what your core values are? Here is a great exercise to figure out what is truly important to you so you can put your priorities in order.
Tip #4: Practice Mindful Gifting
We all know this state of awareness is the best way to go about our day. You may not have known is you can also practice mindful gifting. When we have time to be leisurely about purchasing gifts, we tend to think more deeply about the person we are gifting for. If you take this time now, your gifts will mean much more to the recipient and yourself. Set aside time for reflection, list each receiver, and write down what they genuinely like and enjoy. Watch for clues if you still need to learn more about the recipient.
Holiday Stress, Anxiety and Depression
Holiday stress and depression can extend into your new year if not dealt with sooner than later. The tips and tricks above help answer the question of establishing holiday stress management tools through planning. However, there may be times when you need more help to deal with your anxiety. Finding the best cognitive behavioral therapist for you can be another tool when dealing with the holiday blues.
by therapyinsdcom | Mar 27, 2017 | Anxiety, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Depression
Positive psychologists and cognitive behavioral therapists promote certain behaviors that prime the brain for happiness.
Shawn Achor is one of my personal heroes- you may have heard of him as the author of ‘The Happiness Advantage’ or through his infamous TED Talk which you can find here. After almost a half a century in the making, positive psychology is sweeping the mental health landscape and I couldn’t be more thrilled. Cognitive behavioral therapists, educators and behavioral scientists are adopting techniques, such as the ‘happiness advantage’ to help people shift their mindset towards the good.
A Cognitive Therapist’s Answer to “Why Can’t I Find Happiness?”
‘Happiness’ makes many think of smiles, the sunshine, material acquisitions, and absolute bliss. People often perceive ‘happy’ as being beyond our control, that it has to do with external factors or some level of intangible success. However, when you depend on external factors to reach this mysterious state, you set yourself up for fleeting joy but also long-term disappointment, which can lead to depression and anxiety.
Contentment does not have to be controlled by external factors, what you have achieved, or what you or someone else consider the ultimate success. Rather than telling yourself that happiness is something to wait for, or believing that a partner, weight loss, or more money will lead you there, you can train your brain to be positive in the here and now. According to Shawn, if your brain is focused on positivity, it performs 31% more productively than when it is negative, neutral, or stressed. With the happiness advantage, your intelligence, creativity, and energy levels rise. That said, it makes much more sense to focus on how happiness leads to success, instead of the other way around.
It makes sense that managing depression and anxiety can be approached in a different and more effective way- by creating a new internal reality. As you learn how to become more positive in the present, the solution may not seem as hard to achieve. Training your brain to be more positive is something you’ve already taught it to do other tasks until it becomes automatic. Have you ever catch your fingers hitting the ‘F’ for Facebook without even noticing? Reaching for the snooze button? These are both common examples of automatic thoughts.
Let’s Get Happy!
Over time, reversing your formula for happiness in the now and leading your brain to focus on the present and the positive aspects is a mighty force. The trick is to act differently right now, and your brain will begin to become primed for success, which means that you will be able to work harder, faster, and more intelligently in the moment as well as long-term. One of the ways that your brain can be trained is to encourage the release of dopamine, which is a vital ‘feel good’ hormone. Dopamine has two functions: first, to make you happier and second, to trigger all of your learning centers in your brain- of course, you’ve already watched Shawn Achor’s TED Talk and know this, right?
When I work with clients who are looking for solutions to anxiety or depression, I make sure I focus on behaviors instead of feelings. There are several actions that can train your brain to produce more of that precious dopamine. Shawn asserts that if you practice a positive habit daily for 21 days in a row, you can build a habit and train your brain to be more positive. Three ways to achieve this are to:
- Journaling- Write down one positive experience in the past 24-hours, so that your brain can relive that experience and start focusing on it. This habit teaches your brain that what you do and what actions you take each day matter.
- Meditation- Take the time to slow down and meditate, giving your brain a chance to stop multitasking and to focus more on one task, such as the matter at hand. Opportunites to meditate are everywhere and are easier that you may think, as this article by Temma Ehrenfeld discusses.
- Random act of kindness- Completing a conscious act of kindness can increase the dopamine levels in your brain, such as writing a positive email to a friend, praising a friend for something they accomplished, thanking someone for their support, or simply complimenting someone on their clothes or hair. Personally, this is one of my favorites. A few years ago I published an article on how volunteering can battle a sour mood. Do you live in my town of San Diego? Volunteer Match is a super way to get on it!
As the exercises above reflect, CBT helps you learn skills needed to be happier and more content. Behavioral interventions can be simple and if practiced every day, these types of activities help improve depressed moods and how to be happier in the present!
Happiness is within your control and is attainable with daily practice. Building some simple habits into your daily life will help you create that positivity and happiness that you desire. If you’ve already been influenced by Shawn Achor’s work, please comment below- I’d love to hear from you!
by therapyinsdcom | Jan 24, 2014 | Anxiety, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Depression
CBT for Anxiety and Depression
CBT for anxiety and depression has become one of the most effective, evidence-based approaches to improving mental health. Research shows that it can be as effective as, and sometimes even more effective than, antidepressants in treating mild to moderate depression. By addressing the relationship between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, CBT provides individuals with practical tools to overcome challenges and build resilience.
The foundation of CBT for anxiety and depression lies in identifying and challenging negative automatic thoughts and core beliefs. It’s been noted that these thought patterns often operate unconsciously, shaping how we perceive ourselves and the world around us. Through CBT, individuals learn to recognize these unhelpful cognitive patterns, replace them with healthier alternatives, and ultimately shift their emotional and behavioral responses.
One key strength of CBT for anxiety and depression is its structured approach. Specifically, it focuses on the connection between thoughts, feelings, and actions. By changing one area, others can improve as well. For instance, shifting a self-critical thought may reduce hopelessness. This, in turn, can inspire proactive and confidence-building behaviors. Gradually, these changes promote lasting mental and emotional well-being.
An Experiment to Try
CBT for anxiety and depression isn’t just about exploring thoughts—it’s also about testing how small changes can create meaningful shifts. A simple example is the “Power Pose,” a technique popularized by Harvard professor Amy Cuddy. Stand tall like Wonder Woman or Superman for two minutes, and you may notice a boost in your confidence and mood. This exercise demonstrates how behaviors can influence emotions, making it a perfect example of the principles behind CBT in action.